My advice to couples who play together!

Nate and I get in regular... uh... spats while we are exercising. Typically, it goes something like this:

Jenny: "Ouch, that one stung a bit"
Nate (helping Jenny up off her bum): "You should bend your knees when you ski"
Jenny: "Yes, Nate, you said that 20 times now"
Nate: "I'm just trying to help!"
Jenny: "Yes, I know you are trying to help and I'm trying to bend my knees, but sometimes I forget."
Nate: "Well, if you bend your knees..."

So, in one of our recent cross country ski adventures, I was thinking of what annoys me so much about when Nate tries to help. I do actually know that he's trying to help. And the boy is a saint for dealing with me through times like this and this and this... However, it's incredibly irritating when he gives me constant direction while we are supposedly playing. There are many times that I have looked at him and said, "I'm not training for the Olympics, can you please just let me have fun without giving me pointers?" or "Why don't we go swimming so that I can constantly telling you what you are doing wrong?" Each time he gets more upset because I'm not letting him help me. I'm such a jerk! :)

While we were going on our third hour of cross country skiing, I was trying to rationalize what drives me crazy about the critiques. We had actually been going along fine and not spatting at all, but then I did something silly and he critiqued me. In my completely irrational attitude, I told him, "Ok, that was your one critique today so I hope you meant it." His critique was to bend my knees because I flew down a hill uncontrollably and I  fell on my bum once again! The light bulb went off. There are times when I am cross country skiing and I'm doing the "bend your knee" thing correctly and Nate never says, "That's it. You are bending your knees. Nice work"... I am an adult after all, but in being someone who is still learning how to do all these winter sports, I need a little positive reinforcement that yup, I can do this correctly. So, I said, "Ok, if you point out when I'm bending my knees, you can earn more critiques." He looked at me like I was a crazy fool but I expressed to him that I think I am doing it correctly but I'm not sure and it would be nice if he is going to point out when I'm doing it wrong, that he also points it out when I'm doing it correctly. That was my new years present to him!! A critique on critiquing!

So all you boyfriends out there teaching your girlfriends a new sport, my advice to you... You can critique all you want IF and only IF you pay attention and praise her when she's doing something correctly! I see WAY too many couples fighting out in the "field" and just want to look at the girl and say, "chill, it's going to be ok. He's just trying to help" and say to the boy, "you get ONE critique and then you've got to earn the rest! Now help her up and keep cheering her on!".